Dear Mom: I have checked far
and wide, but I am sorry to say that the Toilet Gnomes have all been taken off
the market since their unionization. It
was real tough around here for awhile, but now we have 2 new products that I
will send you if you wish. I have
enclosed the ads here:
Do you have a hairy
ass? Do you go through tonnes of
buttwipe with no end in site? Are you
tired of shaving? If you answer yes to
any one of these questions, then you need the ‘Fannie Faerie’ This marvelous
little helper is guaranteed to leave your ass cleaner than when you sat down,
with a minty freshness that can’t be beat
Now, for a limited time
only, receive for free, the ‘Pussy Pixie’ This little gem is guaranteed to lick
your pussy clean in orgasmic pleasure.
Not only will you save on buttwipe, but you will also leave with a smile
on your face
By
the way Mom, those pics of Suzy with my sister and her giant dildo were
great. Please send more, they love them
around the office.
Your
ever loving son.
Dear
son,
Please
do send these 2 new products along. Your father is costing us a bundle in ass
wipe and its starting to cut into my cigarette and gin budget. And no matter how hard he cleans, your father
just cannot get himself clean. As well,
enclosed in here are more pics of Suzy with your sister. I’ll leave it at that son, as I want you to
be surprised.
Love Mom
Dear
Mom,
Thank
you ever so much for the pics. Wow is
sis looking hot these days, I guess the boob job did pay off afterall. And she looks so at home with Suzy. I have, as you requested, sent the pussy
pixie and fannie faerie to you via express post. Please, please make sure that when you
receive them, you knock on the box, as when I had sent them off, the box was a
rocking and they didn’t want to be disturbed.
I did get a lot of strange looks from the post office people. I am going to suggest to the company they
send them in separate packages in the future.
Take care.
Your
loving son.
Dear
Son,
We
received your parcel today and as you suggested, we knocked on the box. It took about half an hour, but the faerie
and pixie finally came out. Your father
was so happy to see what they looked like, that he had to go use the
toilet. Well, the faerie followed along
without question. It concerned me at
first when I heard moans coming from the bathroom (I honestly haven’t heard
your father moan like that in years) but it seems he got caught up on the rim
somehow. Any way to make it short, your
father really liked the fannie faerie, and true to the ad, he had a minty fresh
ass.
Your
sis said thanks for the compliments, and she has enclosed a few new pics for
you of her and Suzy, and a video of both the pussy pixie and fannie faerie in
action. I hope you will enjoy.
Love
Mom
Dear
Mom,
I am
glad that dad likes the fannie faerie. I
forgot to tell you that they come in both sexes, but I see I rightfully assumed
that he would enjoy the female better.
But if you want a male, let me know.
How is the pixie working out?
We’ve had a large demand for them that they are going to become a
regular product for us to sell. Seems a
lot of women are really going wild for it, especially for the female
version. We are getting lots of calls
from women with deep voices asking for it.
It just boggles the mind.
I
showed the company president the pussy pixie and fannie faerie in action with
Suzy. They were really delighted Mom,
they couldn’t believe how good a job they did, but they were a little concerned
with the moaning Suzy was making. They
were afraid that the faerie and pixie were tickling her a bit much. They also want to stress that it is not good
to relieve yourself and moan at the same time with the pixie as it may frighten
her. Please make sure to warn Suzy. The warranty on the pixie does not cover
water damage.
Your
loving son.
Dear
Son,
This
is your father writing. I no longer have
control of the bathroom. Your mother is
in there all the time. Seems she has
contracted some woman’s problem and keeps going on about some damned thing to
do with bread. Well she sent the pussie
pixie in and she’s hardly been out of the can since. All I keep hearing is ‘yes, yes, yes’. What the hell is the pixie doing? Playing
twenty questions. It wasn’t all that bad
until your mom started screaming it. My
god I ain’t heard nothing like that since Niagara
Falls on our honeymoon. So its left me with sharing the sandbox with
the cat. The cat doesn’t seem to mind so
much as the fannie faerie does a good clean up job of both my and the cat’s
ass. I ain’t seen that cat so
affectionate for ages. Well son, I ain’t
much for writing letters, so I’ll sign off.
Dad
Dear
Son,
Your
father said he sent a letter off to you yesterday. I missed putting in a few questions for
you. One, can you send new suits for the
pixie? The current suit smells really
bad and I can’t get it clean no matter what.
Second of all, can you send anymore pixies to us?
Oh
almost forgot son, Suzy isn’t around anymore son. Both her and your sister got jobs doing
films. Its kind of strange though son,
they rehearsed their scenes here the other day and had their clothes off. Please find enclosed some pics.
Love
Mom.
Dear
Mom,
Once
again great products are being taken off the shelves. The video of Suzy with the pixie and faerie
was shown to the big wigs here at the company.
They got so excited and red faced that they declared they must be
removed from the shelves immediately.
They kept on going about this company being a family business for
families. I stressed to them that my
family had lots of fun with all their latest products. They said something like we need to be shrunk
(god knows why we need to be smaller) and asked me to not come to work
tomorrow, or the next day. Its nice to
have a few days off. Well mom, tell sis
and Suzy their acting is great, especially the vocalizations. I look forward to your next letter.
Your
loving son.
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